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September 6, 2019

Why We Think Painful Thoughts and How to Stop

If you have a mean girl inside your head, if you regularly beat yourself up and you don’t know how to stop, I want to help you.

Firstly, there is nothing wrong with your brain. In fact your brain is working perfectly well.

The part of our brain that kept us alive as a human species (the primitive part of our brain) has adapted to look out for danger. It looks out for things that are not working, things that could go wrong and potentially kill us. When your brain goes into mean girl mode, it’s simply doing it’s job. ONLY the danger it identifies, is no longer a life or death matter. Our primitive brain hasn’t caught up with the modern world. Being rejected no longer means being ostracised by our tribe and it no longer means defending ourselves from sabre tooth tigers in the savannahs by ourselves and probable death. Being rejected now means that we feel an emotion.

The other thing our brain does is it is very efficient. It loves to expend as little energy as possible. You know how when you drive your kids to school every day, you start to do it without thinking. Well that is our primitive brain being efficient. SO efficient that we sometimes drive to school when we mean to go to the supermarket. Our brain goes into automatic mode, sometimes we are not even aware of what we are doing and what we are thinking.

Our primitive brain is designed to look for danger and be efficient.

The good news is that we have an evolved part of our brain (the prefrontal cortex). As humans we can observe what we are thinking and we can manage our thoughts.

So if you are in the habit of thinking painful thoughts, it’s possible to stop. It’s possible to use your brain’s efficiency to make your default thinking less painful.

But you cannot simply slap on a positive thought. You must identify the negative thoughts first. Once you know what those thoughts are, then you can make a conscious decision to think differently.

I have a tool that I teach all my clients so they can learn to do this in their daily life. It’s called The Model. If you would like to know more about how you can learn the model, get in touch with me via email, messenger, Instagram… and I will help you out.

Image by Milada Vigerova