Does your hubby take out the garbage for you?
When he doesn’t… do you feel annoyed/angry/frustrated?
Whether or not you husband takes out the garbage does not make you feel happy or annoyed. We think it does. We are brought up to think that people can make us happy. That people can hurt our feelings. That people can make us mad. It’s NOT true.
It’s not our husbands who make us feel those emotions, it’s what we THINK about them.
I might think “He should take out the garbage”, “its not fair” or “he doesn’t care about me” and those thoughts cause me to feel terrible. I’m the one that has to experience those emotions and feel disconnected from my husband. Meanwhile my husband might be oblivious to it all. I could yell at him fuelled by my anger and then I end up creating even more disconnection.
The expectations I’ve created “he should take out the garbage”, are causing my frustration. I don’t want to let him off the hook because “it’s not fair”, he should pull his own weight.
What if life just isn’t fair? And it’s NOT! I tell my kids this fact all the time (but sometimes I forget itmyself). So many of us think that life should be fair and when it’s not we make ourselves feel terrible. I call this fighting with reality. A wise woman by the name of Byron Katie says “when you fight with reality, you lose, but only 100% of the time”. What if life’s not fair and that’s OK? His actions aren’t going to change no matter what I think.
Sorry, we can’t make our husbands take out the garbage! So if I let go of my resistance to what is, if I drop the expectation that he should take out the garbage, it just feels better.
When we know we are responsible for our own feelings because of the thoughts we are thinking, it’s POWERFUL. Instead of blaming my husband and feeling powerless, I feel in control of myself and how I respond.
I can always ask my husband to take out the garbage but without expectation. The crazy thing is, now that I don’t expect him to, when he does I am grateful. When I am not resentful and frustrated, we are more connected and all I have to do is sometimes take out the garbage.
I take out the garbage because I am a kick arse mama who doesn’t have to rely on her hubby. I can do hard things! (And the not so hard things too ?)
If you like this blog post, check out my 5 Minute Mama Messages on my Nicky Hammond Life Coaching Facebook Page. I’m LIVE at 8pm AEDT (Sydney time) every Friday night teaching a different coaching concept or tool for mums. Come and ask a question LIVE or check out the videos posted on my page.
Image by Pawel Czerwinski