Are your morning filled with frustration and sometimes anger? Do you wish that you could learn how to be more patient and get the kids moving? Oh I’ve been there, many times. Let me start by just saying, my mornings are far from perfect! But I’m starting to feel a whole lot better and here are some ideas on how you can feel better too.
- I’ve accepted that mornings are not perfect, if there is a morning where the kids get up, get dressed, neatly eat their breakfast and stand waiting at the door for you with a cleanly brushed smile, I need to know your secrets! But for now I just accept that we are human and mornings are a messy, just like life. Phew, that took a heap of pressure off, what about you?
- We can plan ahead of time. We can decide ahead of time what we are going to do and how we want to respond when certain situations arise. Do this!
- I let my kids know what I expect of them in advance and then I let them know what the consequence will be if we don’t manage to achieve this. When I set expectations, I (usually) set them from a place of love. This will look differently for everyone depending on the situation and your children. Make sure you are willing to follow through on the consequence or it merely be a threat. I tell my kids that if they are not ready to walk out the door by a certain time then they will have to wait for me to do my morning jobs and then they will be late for school, and they will deal with that consequence.
- I am also working on letting my kids be exactly who they are and loving them no matter what. That’s easy to say and harder to actually do. Unconditional love. We can truly allow our children to be who they are without trying to change them. We don’t have to condone what they do and it doesn’t mean we stop teaching them the things that are important in life, but we simply stop fighting with reality. So if my kids are dancing naked in the living room and I want to leave in 5 minutes. I can think “they should know better”, and take action from a place of anger OR I can acknowledge their silliness and ask them to get their butts into gear fuelled by a feeling of love and acceptance. Let’s be honest, we know our kids, so what if we planned ahead of time for them to be them? So my oldest is 7. He loves to be silly right now, he also is a book worm and a daydreamer who strangely loves to be early. I can plan for this ahead of time and I can use this knowledge to my advantage.
- And finally, I want to tell you something that might want me to throw a school shoe at my head OR it might change your life forever. The reason you are angry is not because of you kids. It’s because of what you are thinking about your kids. Whatever your kids does is NEUTRAL, until you have a thought about it. (Notice how one mum may be driven into a fury by a child who interrupts and another mum smile and answers then carries on the original conversation… she’s just thinking something different!) So here are some of the thoughts that we have in the morning that drive us into a RAGE! “The kids are wasting time”, “I’m going to be late” “I’m going to look bad”, “a good mum wouldn’t be late this often”, “I’m a terrible mum”, “being late is going to be a fail”, “what will the teachers think”. Insert your thought here. Notice that those thoughts are creating your frustration and anger. Then ask if you want to keep those thoughts. You don’t have to, you can totally let them go! Want me to show you how?
I’ve coached people in the past about this and let’s be honest, if you are a mum, chances are that you have struggled with this at one time or another. For me the struggle is real (hey I never claimed to be perfect). Here is the great news, even if you have struggled with mornings in the past, we always have tomorrow to practice and show up in the way we want to. The past is over, be compassionate knowing we are all humans and we might fail again and again but we are not going to learn and improve if we never try. Be the mum you want to be.
Image by Marvin Meyer, Unsplash