What is Your Job as a Mum? Have you ever pondered this question?
It’s powerful to consciously decide. If you don’t, you are taking action from your default and that’s not optimal. (I know from experience!)
If you had to name three things that constitute your job as a mum, what would they be? For me, they are to LOVE, to TEACH and to PROTECT my children. Yours might look different, write them down.
If I know what my job is, I can then ask myself what it would look like to be an amazing mum.
Did I love them today? Did I teach them something today? Did I do my best to protect them today?
You can then get clearer about the things you are NOT going to use as a measure for how you are parenting. I’m not going to judge it on how my children act or what their results are. Often as a default, this is how we judge ourselves, but it’s painful when we do this, because we have no control over how our children act or what their results are.
I also don’t judge it on how clean the house is.
I don’t judge it on whether they acted peaceful or grateful or kind.
I don’t judge it on how they performed on their report card.
I don’t judge it on how they behaved in their after school activities.
When we can identify our role as a mum and be clear that our value or success as a mum is not reliant on the results of our children. When we realise that their behaviour doesn’t mean anything about us, then we focus our time and energy on being the mum we truly want to be.
If we want to go one step further, we can also allow our kids to be who they are and acknowledge that obstacles are just part of the journey. It’s to be expected and we can embrace the messiness of life.
Let me show you. First with an example of what it looks like when I am parenting by default.
My kids fight and sometimes they are violent. I feel angry because I’m thinking “they shouldn’t be fighting”, “they are going to get hurt and it’s my responsibility to stop that from happening”, “they should know better” and “I haven’t done my job properly”. I yell and I feel like a terrible mum.
Same scenario but from a conscious place. My kids fight and sometimes they are violent. I feel love because I am thinking “it’s my job to love my kids first and foremost”. I also feel calm because I think “my kids are going to be who they are, sometimes they will fight and that’s ok” and “obstacles are a part of the journey”. If my job is to love, teach and protect my children, I can intervene without anger. I can teach them and help them find a different way to resolve their argument. I know that I am doing my best to do my job as a mum. I feel way better.
If I am not judging myself and I’m focusing instead on how I want to be a mum, I stop beating myself up and I release myself from the heavy responsibility of controlling my kids. Instead I focus on the job being a mum and doing my best.
It doesn’t always go the way I want and I’m OK with that. Many of you might think that the second scenario is crazy. And that’s totally fine. But what if there was a tiny possibility that you could react that way? Would you want to try and get there? I know it’s possible because sometimes I choose the second alternative and when I do, it does feels amazing. If you want to know more, check this out.
Image by Jared Rice, Unsplash