Shame is an insidious feeling. It is one of my least favourite emotions.
Shame is when you feel unworthy of love and belonging.
As a mum it’s the feeling of not being enough. The unrealistic expectations we set ourselves to be loving, firm but not strictly disciplinary, available for our kids but not helicopter mums, strong but also teach our kids its ok to be vulnerable, to be the homemaker but also show our kids what is possible outside of the home. To be an example of all of this, all at the same time.
Shame can feel so crushing, destructive and hollow.
Shame makes you want to hide. But hiding makes the shame more powerful.
I am a big fan of Brene Brown. She is an expert in Shame. If you are interested to learn more about shame I highly recommend you read her book Daring Greatly. She has some incredibly powerful ideas on how to overcome shame. I am going to share some of her ideas with you here.
She has four element to shame resilience and I am going to add one more.
1. Recognizing shame and understanding it’s triggers
2. Critical awareness is questioning whether what is causing you shame is realistic or attainable?
3. Reach out and tell someone you trust. Connect with someone.
4. Speaking shame – talk about how you feel and ask for what you need
5. The one other thing I want to add is for you to allow and process the emotion. You can do this by investigating the feeling in your body. The feeling is just a vibration. It feels uncomfortable but it cannot hurt you and it cannot kill you. Instead of fighting the feeling, let it be there. Let it come and go and eventually it will dissipate.
I talk a lot about feelings in my coaching. We can’t make shame go away completely but we can feel empowered and confident that when the feeling does arise, we know that we can cope and we have these strategies in place to deal with it. Be kind to you.
I’ll tell you a secret, the reason why we do anything (or don’t do something) is because of how we feel, or anticipate how we might feel. When you are ok with any emotion, you can do incredible things. You can make your dreams a reality.
If you want to know more about how to process feelings and create amazing results in your life, I’d love to tell you more about it. I offer a free mini call every week. It’s a thirty minute call with me, I teach you some tools to implement straight away and I give you a little taste of what life coaching is. I want to share this with as many mums as possible so go ahead and schedule a mini call here. I’m not a high pressure sales person, in fact I only want to work with people who love the coaching I do. You have nothing to lose, so book in, I want to share this with you!
Image by Kevin Jesus Horacio, Unsplash